you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
