does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
