I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
