Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
