my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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