wake up i wanna do it froggy style
meet me or not, i'm out of control
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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