he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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