dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize