his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
