Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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