yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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