Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
