it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
