I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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