I'm drive I can fine osifer
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
