i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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