I wish i was in the wii world.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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