Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize