She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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