just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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