Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
