I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
