Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
