I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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