he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
