You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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