i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
