I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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