the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
