I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
