Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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