i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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