sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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