She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
