found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
