Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
