Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
