I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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