just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
