My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
