I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
