It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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