I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
