i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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