if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
