Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
