So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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