She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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