We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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