it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
