Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
