I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
