Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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