he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
