wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
