when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
