Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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