I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
