Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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