I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
