Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
