If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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