I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
