At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
