You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
