she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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