I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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