My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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