It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize