I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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