Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
