He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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