so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
