he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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