I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
