I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
