Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
