I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
