Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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