I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
