Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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