We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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