Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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