you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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