No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
