I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
