so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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