The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
