I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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