ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
