I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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