This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
