my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize