I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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