I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
