doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
