There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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